January 2013

Happy New Year!

I hope the start of 2013 finds you well-rested, rejuvenated, and ready to embrace new challenges!

I had a great 2012, so I was a bit sad to see it end. But one thing I wasn't sorry to see go: the year-end frenzy of "resolutions" articles in all media. Every year, it's the same. Once again, according to the website Statistics Brain, the number one resolution is "lose weight". Many Americans are overweight and could stand to tone up a bit for health-related reasons. But as a country we are obsessed with "perfect bodies." Having dealt with these issues in the world of professional theatre for too many years to count, I can testify to the insidiousness of our collective goal to achieve an unattainable standard of physical perfection.

Frank Bruni wrote in the New York Times on this very topic on Christmas Day, and I found his argument compelling. He was writing in context of the movie The Sessions (which I am looking forward to seeing soon), and concludes: "We're so much more than these wretched vessels that we sprint or swagger or lurch or limp around in. . .We should make peace with them and remain conscious of that, especially at this particular hinge of the calendar, when we compose a litany of promises about the better selves ahead, foolishly defining those selves in terms of what's measurable from the outside, instead of what glimmers within."

You can't judge a book. . .

It's not news that many of us bemoan our less-than-perfect physical selves in the new-year-new-beginnings-season. But if we return to the Statistics Brain site, we see that when grouped into categories, the stats tell a different story. More of us -- 47 percent -- make resolutions that are self-improvement or education-related than the 38 percent who make weight-related promises. I suppose that is why my Acting Workshop classes always have more students in January than in the fall.

My speaker-training/communications coaching practice also benefits from this urge to polish up tired skills or acquire new ones. And my clients are most successful when they do what experts say is the only real way to make a resolution stick: start small, mastering a discipline one step at a time. They practice, and let the training unfold. Mental changes and attitudinal shifts take place as their expertise increases, but all this takes time. So if you think you might need skills development or training anytime in 2013, take advantage of the cyclical urge to master something new. Resolve this year to become the best communicator you can be. Develop your own effective, dynamic technique NOW - before you have an urgent need to do so. And find a new way to  "glimmer within."

Tips you can use!

Consult the experts
My friend Paula Tarnapol Whitacre has just published a free e-book, Ease in Writing, that is chock-full of quick and useful writing tips. See ideas I shared with her in Chapter 20!  
 
Don't begin with "so"
"So" has become the new filler-word with which to begin an answer. This inappropriate use of "so" makes you sound like you have been carrying on a conversation in your head, rather than listening. Don't do it!  
 
or "OK"
"OK"  is often coupled with "so" ( "so, OK!") as a first response. Why do you need to approve the question? It makes you sound much more informal -- and less compelling. Avoid this unless you are going for a very causal style. 

Holiday 2012

Ho! Ho! Ho!

'Tis the holiday season and everyone is busy. I know readers of this newsletter are no exception, so I will keep this short and to the point!

First of all, I want to thank you for reading "Outside the Speaker's Bubble" this year. I hope you have been able to use some of my speaking tips whenever you engage in communication. And I hope some of my insights and observations have given you food for thought. Please continue to give me feedback, pose questions, and ask me to unravel communications problems as we begin another year together. And of course, share this newsletter with your friends and colleagues and whoever else might find it useful!

Body language speaks!

I heard a fascinating story on NPR the other day, one that had me cheering and making a mental note to share it with you all. A study conducted by Hillel Aviezer, a psychology researcher at Hebrew University of Jerusalem, concluded that our body language conveys more information about our emotional and mental state than our facial expression does.

Now, if you have ever worked with me, you know I base my practice on the importance of using your body while you speak. Speaking is a physical activity that requires the body's engagement as much as dancing does. And this is a good thing, for many reasons. Not the least of which is that you cannot achieve energized, dynamic speech without a full breath-body-mind connection. And you cannot convince your listeners that you are fully engaged with them without this connection, either.

If you need more convincing, there is an excellent TED talk by social psychologist Amy Cuddy that demonstrates how body language can undercut or elevate our own feelings of confidence.

So if you think you can "put on a happy face" and communicate something from the neck up while you slouch, sit tensely with your arms crossed, or sway to and fro like an unstable Christmas tree, you're wrong. And now we have the science to prove it

Tips you can use!

Make the most of your parties
Be sure you have a snappy introductory speech to pull out of your back pocket at every social event. Networking opportunities abound at holiday parties.

Stretch when you travel
Whether you're in the car or on a plane, you need to get up and move every 90 minutes. Take a break at a highway rest stop or do some stretches in the airport restroom. Traveling is easier when your body is relaxed and happy.

Stay in the moment
During the holiday season, our thoughts can get ahead of our actions more than they usually do. Breathe, focus, slow down, and be mindful of what you're doing. Open yourself to unexpected delights of the season!

November 2012

Just back from Beijing

You may have noticed that this month's newsletter is later than usual. There are a couple of reasons:
1) I am sure your e-mail in-boxes were already overflowing with last-minute campaign messages and pre-holiday alerts.
2) I was in China, where you cannot access Google, Facebook, the New York Times, or many other "western" media outlets. So it was easy to disconnect, unplug, and enjoy the experience of a completely different culture. Needless to say, this was not conducive to newsletter-writing.

In the spirit of better late than never, here is a brief version of my newly renamed monthly: "Outside the Speaker's Bubble." I thought I would share some observations on the act of listening. Listening is fundamental to every speech situation. It is especially important in those smaller interpersonal interactions you might be tempted to categorize as  "just talking" and not "speaking." Interviews,  for example, and client meetings.

What not to do

In China, we were watching televised coverage of the 18th Communist Party Congress . It was fascinating, following so closely on the heels of our own Presidential election. One particular interview segment on English language CCTV stood out. It looked like a typical interview show, two well-dressed, well-coiffed, well-lit men having a conversation. The CCTV interviewer was questioning a representative from the European Union. Apparently the questions had been scripted to elicit very specific answers. The EU representative was respectful but firm in his responses, which were not the ones desired. The interviewer must have been told by his producer to badger his "guest" into the correct statement, because that is what he tried to do. It was painfully clear to anyone listening that such a statement would not - ever - be forthcoming.

The interview failed spectacularly. No listening was occurring, so no real conversation could take place. Because you can't control the message of someone you can't control. And so the guest was abruptly dismissed even as he was mid-sentence, on-camera!

Comedic fodder

If this blatant censorship had not been so startling to witness, it would have been funny! It was obvious: "We don't like the answer so we'll pretend it doesn't exist." Now, most of us will never find ourselves in such an extreme situation. But we do run into its cousin: "I don't really care what you are saying so I will go to my mental happy place."

Last Thursday night's comedy line-up on NBC provided two excellent examples of how active non-listening is a non-starter. The episodes of The Office and 30 Rock utilized Dwight's and Jenna's disengaged conversational engagement to great comic effect. And comedy can be instructive. So watch, laugh . . . and check yourself next time you feel a case of Dwight-Jennitis coming on.

Tips you can use!

Write it down
Keep a list of talking points  in each project folder. That way you always know what to say when someone asks you to "bring them up to speed."

Avoid mirrors
Don't check yourself in the mirror just before you step onstage/walk to the podium. Make sure your look is "set" well before the moment-before.

Keep track of the time
Make sure you craft your speech to fit in under the time allotted. And stick to your plan. Time flies when you're  speaking. And no one likes a speaker who goes on too long!